Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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