I wish I only lived at night.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
