I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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