Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize