cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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