We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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