I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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