dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
