i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
