Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
