He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I will be naked everywhere
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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