Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
