I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
