I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
