was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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