tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
