Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
