I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
