I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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