You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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