I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
