after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sext me about skeletons
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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