hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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