Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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