what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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