i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
They took my balls.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
