At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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