Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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