If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
