Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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