i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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