Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
