if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
