Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
