I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
