im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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