I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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