just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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