One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
