My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
