It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
