Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
