Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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