apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
