i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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