just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Boobs speak an international language.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
