I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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