so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
