Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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