Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
