If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
