Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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