There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
