This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
