Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
