My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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