I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
