i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
