theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
