I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
