It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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