apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
