That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
