I think I just saw someone hide a body.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize