the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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