i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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