I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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