Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize