Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
