The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
