Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
