fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.