I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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