I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
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So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.