he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
