Texts From Last Night

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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.

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  (416): Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be. http://tfl.nu/wari
  Replies (5) Good night (727) Bad night (2916)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life

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  (604): omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life http://tfl.nu/up0q
  Replies (10) Good night (3322) Bad night (817)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.

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  (519): Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil. http://tfl.nu/3ein
  Replies (69) Good night (12173) Bad night (1038)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme

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  (647): btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme http://tfl.nu/51hh
  Replies (10) Good night (3966) Bad night (918)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.

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  (917): and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower. http://tfl.nu/wwsw
  Replies (9) Good night (2665) Bad night (1014)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.

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  (815): we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod. http://tfl.nu/j49l
  Replies (7) Good night (3076) Bad night (1147)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.

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  (856): First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here. http://tfl.nu/4o4p
  Replies (4) Good night (1864) Bad night (1369)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....

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  (865): got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter.... http://tfl.nu/ne6c
  Replies (9) Good night (3421) Bad night (1044)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.

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  (810): RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it. http://tfl.nu/dncl
  Replies (10) Good night (2425) Bad night (998)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.

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  (920): I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters. http://tfl.nu/cy91
  Replies (2) Good night (2201) Bad night (968)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?

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  (260): If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok? http://tfl.nu/erl3
  Replies (3) Good night (1517) Bad night (594)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.

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  (407): It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs. http://tfl.nu/mrim
  Replies (8) Good night (1174) Bad night (546)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.

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  (612): She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did. http://tfl.nu/uugg
  Replies (9) Good night (1211) Bad night (898)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.

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  (614): Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome. http://tfl.nu/lohz
  Replies (5) Good night (1438) Bad night (345)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.

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  (651): OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high. http://tfl.nu/rjps
  Replies (2) Good night (1291) Bad night (733)

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