The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
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you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
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If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor