Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.

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  (248): I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose. http://tfl.nu/ckrs
  Replies (12) Good night (1215) Bad night (655)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...

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  (262): My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here... http://tfl.nu/iwch
  Replies (54) Good night (4452) Bad night (1793)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions

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  (603): you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions http://tfl.nu/l7zn
  Replies (43) Good night (6249) Bad night (1274)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.

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  (413): i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool. http://tfl.nu/ncnm
  Replies (17) Good night (924) Bad night (4096)
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  (585): View more from New York

  You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.

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  (585): You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you. http://tfl.nu/pv3c
  Replies (9) Good night (7511) Bad night (974)
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  (585): View more from New York

  She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.

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  (585): She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings. http://tfl.nu/pz3m
  Replies (44) Good night (6805) Bad night (1706)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far

  (713): View more from Texas

  Sounds better than last semester

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  (214): So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far (713): Sounds better than last semester http://tfl.nu/9h5w
  Replies (12) Good night (1597) Bad night (4610)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome

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  (303): there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome http://tfl.nu/x7k0
  Replies (8) Good night (5067) Bad night (1422)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.

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  (775): At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later. http://tfl.nu/5mcf
  Replies (4) Good night (840) Bad night (2243)
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  (310): View more from California

  I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.

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  (310): I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right. http://tfl.nu/p298
  Replies (2) Good night (1929) Bad night (1049)
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  (278): View more from Michigan

  Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.

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  (278): Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms. http://tfl.nu/bwzb
  Replies (2) Good night (1199) Bad night (388)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle

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  (513): It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle http://tfl.nu/f7n7
  Replies (3) Good night (988) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.

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  (732): Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit. http://tfl.nu/pssm
  Replies (2) Good night (845) Bad night (342)
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  (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent

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  (+64): I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent http://tfl.nu/sl7e
  Replies (2) Good night (811) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...

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  (407): We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup... http://tfl.nu/u3jq
  Replies (1) Good night (249) Bad night (712)

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