Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
