I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
