using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Green mimosas i think yes
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
