Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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