i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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