Cold hands, warm shart.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
