it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
