Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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