i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
