a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
