I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sober January is a disaster.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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