so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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