Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You can't motorboat a personality
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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