shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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